Cogito Ergo Sum ☆
On falling in love with an imperfect person.

I have to admit, I fell in love with your smile. You’ve always hated your smile because you have crooked teeth. But dear, I’d gladly tell you- it fits you and it is a prerequisite of the perfection I see in you. Your smile reflects the stupendous galaxies far beyond the universe. That heavenly smile that shows up every time you get excited with the book you are reading, the smile you give whenever you are able to solve a difficult trigonometric function. Darling, that painted smile in your face defines perfection to me, just so you know.

I have to admit, I fell in love with your pale lips. You may despise it because you said that it looks like a lip from a dying patient but I do, I do find it beautiful. The way you bite those when you’re faced with a difficult situation, oh dear, I hope you’d be able to see what I see. If I could just paint your lips with vivid hues in canvas then  I would, so that you could learn to love yourself for you’ll be able to see the colors in it you’ve never seen before. Dear, even if you hate it so much, I will never get tired of telling you how much I moon over those elfin lips.

I have to admit, I fell in love with your eyes- even if you hate the fact that you cannot see without your glasses on. I fell in love with those for they reflect the stars scattered in the pitch-lack sky during night. Darling, it does not matter whether you c an see clearly or not. What matters is that your heart could see those people who really appreciates you. I hope your heart could see me, by the way.

I have to admit, I fell in love with your drowsy looking hair. Though you want it to be changed, I suggest that you let it that way. Darling, you’re way more attractive than those models you watch in television who has perfectly looking hair all the times. Your hair sways with the wind and I find it really amazing.

I fell in love with your imperfections. I fell in love with them for those are what made you unique. You are as rare as an amaranth, as beauteous than flowers in spring time and as magical as the moon. You do not have to change anything.

23 April 2014

Three reasons why I keep on pushing you away:

i. I am nothing but a mess. Being with me will bring no good to you. I swear, I always fuck things up. I can never be good enough for you and I am nothing but a mistake. I don’t want you to experience misfortunes because of me. I don’t want you to feel sad because of me. I push you away not because I do not like you. It’s because you mean so much to me that I do not want to cause any harm to you.

ii. I will disappoint you countless of times. Yes, darling. I am a living disappointment. It seems like I cannot do anything right. I hope you see the flaws in me and eventually give up on me. I don’t want you to stay any longer with me. There are a lot of people who can make you happy twice as much as I do. I push you away not because I do not want you. It’s because you mean so much to me that I do not want see a frown in your face.

iii. I want to see if you would still bother coming back to me after I pushed you away. I want to know if you would love me despite of my fucked up attitude and my flaws. I want to know if you’d bother telling me that I am perfect and that you don’t mind suffering the consequences of being with me. I push you away not because I do not love you. It’s because you mean so much to me that loving me back the way I do would be so nice. 

23 April 2014
Star crossed

I do not know the reason why you’re here with me. And I do not think it matters still. All I know is that I am grateful that you are here with me though I know that you could always leave me at any times and I want to thank you for not leaving me- at least for now. I am aware that people, just like the seasons, changes and most of the times, the most interesting people are those who immediately leaves and passes through our life in just a blink of an eye. They are like dandelion dust, floating in the midst of the fields, and is easily taken away- gone with the wind. You are far beyond interesting. And I made myself realize the fact that I am not one of those people you would love to be with. That’s why I made it clear that sooner or later, you will be walking away in my life to find someone better. Someone that complements you. You are terribly amazing that is why you need someone just like you. 

I know we’ll end up walking on different ways but I want you to know that I am so thankful to have you. I know one of us will give up eventually. Maybe if I am the one to do so, that would be probably because I know you deserve better. But if it’s you who let go of the string, maybe because you realized that you deserve someone better. Either way, I’m happy and I won’t regret any of the memories you created with me. In contrary, I will not erase all your messages. Those will be my reminders that someone out there, might be sweeter than you. I will not erase our pictures together. Those will serve as my reminder that someone out there, might be will to take even more pictures with me together. But most specially, I will not forget all of those simple because they are all prerequisite of my past, who am I at this very moment and who I will be after some times. 

23 April 2014
Stop boring me. Now think. It’s the new sexy.

— Sherlock Holmes

21 April 2014

i. Find a subject. It could be anyone. A person you see walking down the road. Someone who sat beside you a month ago, a friend who is not the same anymore, a lover who is thousand miles away from you, someone who does not appreciate you, a victim of unrequited love- anyone. It’s your choice.

ii. Find something that has similarities with that person. Like for example, you could compare her to a rose, very beautiful as it seems yet pained with it’s thorns. You could compare him to the stars who shines so bright despite of the distance between you and him. This is important especially if you want your writings to be metaphorical. You have to think of a lot of symbolism but of course, you have to write context clues so that your readers could comprehend the reason why did you use that thing. 

iii. Think of any memories you could incorporate with it. Put something that can easily show your style “Ah, it was written by her” or “she used to tell me her stories now I could see where did she get this idea”.

iv. Be original. You can never be good if you keep on imitating other people. Yes, you can have those good writers as your inspiration but not to the point that you copy their style, their choice of words and things like that.

v. Pour your heart into it. Feel the emotion of the text you’re writing.

vi. Always remember that your writings shouldn’t always be perfect. You’ll improve after some time. Just continue to write. Write and write. There is no better practice than just actually writing and there is no better feeling than watching yourself improve.

19 April 2014

Now I know how it feels. 

It’s like I spent my time, poured my heart into those writings and then all of a sudden, someone will just copy it and post it as theirs. Miss, can I ask you something? How hard is it to just simply click the reblog button? You know it takes more effort to copy, paste and post than just simply reblog it. Fuck, those are my writings. Those are my fucking writings. You may think that I am over reacting but you’ll never know until the same thing happened to you. You don’t even put the right source. Ahhhh, goddamn it. Fuck it, just fuck it. Hindi kana nadala. Napakadaming tao na ang nag ple-plagiarize tapos sumusunod ka pa sa trend? Remember na it’s not always good to follow the bandwagon. Fuck, if you want to learn, then write. Fucking write your own post. You will never learn unless you start from the beginning. 

And pls wag mong ginagawang letter for your significant other ang letters na para sa ibang tao. Mahiya ka naman uy. If I were your boyfriend, I’d be disappointed kasi akala ko, ineeffortan mo ko sulatan, yun pala, galing lang sa ibang tao.

19 April 2014

“If I knew that this would be the last time you pass through this door, I’d embrace you, kiss you, and call you back for one more. If I knew that this would be the last time I would hear your voice, I’d take hold of each word to be able to hear it over and over again. If I knew this is the last time I see you, I’d tell you I love you, and would not just assume foolishly you know it already.” 

― Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez (1927 - 2014)

19 April 2014

i. Do not tell me you love me just because you know that I have feelings for you. It would be nice if you’d feel the same for me, but knowing that you just forced yourself to love because of pity, is twice as painful as knowing that you could never love me. Do not force your feelings. If you do, then you do. But if you don’t, that would be fine to me. At the beginning, I already told myself that there is a chance that you may never fall for me the same way as I fall for you and that is okay. I am aware that you cannot get everything you want and things doesn’t always come your way.

ii. Do not tell me you love me just because you got attracted to me. Darling, I am telling you. Love is not just a physical attraction. Love is far beyond that. If you fall because of someone’s physical appearance, then maybe, it’s plain attraction. If you fall because of their wits and their ability to persuade people through their words, or if you fall because of their talents and skills, that for me is admiration. If you fall for their body, then that is lust. But if you fall without any reason, and you just wake up feeling like you cannot live without them, then maybe, that is love. Love has diverse meanings. But you know what I mean, don’t say you love me when you are not sure of what are you feeling. Sometimes, it could be mistaken to crush, infatuations and other stuff. But they are all swallow and love has a deeper context, remember that.

iii. Do not tell me you love me just because you need someone to tell you “I love you too.” If you are feeling empty, and you need you think a significant other immediately, I am sorry but I could never be one. If you really love me, you’ll show your efforts. You won’t mind the test of time. You will definitely wait for the right time. You won’t give up easily just because I didn’t say yes after few months of courtship. If you really want me to say I love you too to you, then make me do it. Show me you are all worth it. If I do see that you are indeed worthy of all the pain I may suffer, then I will readily give you my yes.

iv. Do not tell me you love me when you haven’t seen me at my worst. I am really impulsive. I usually have emotional breakdowns. I am moody. I could be laughing right now, but after just a second, you could see me crying inside my room. I am not that girl who always has her hair fix. Most of the time, you’ll see me in my old loose shirt wearing jeans and my favorite pair of sneakers. You can’t force me to wear heels and skirts because they are not my thing. My hair is always a mess, I eat a lot, I snore when I sleep- those are things that might turn you off. So please, don’t say you love me unless you could handle me during my worst.

v. Do not tell me you love me unless you really do.

18 April 2014
Do not make me believe in any false comparison.

i. Do not tell me that my eyes are like the stars. Do not tell me that it brightens up your evening sky. There is one thing I am sure of- my eyes don’t have gleams. They are dull and not that expressive. There is nothing special about it in fact, when I look at them in the mirror, they do not reflect the stupendous galaxies above rather, an image of an unattractive woman. Stars are truly elfin. Stars, they shine even they are beyond my horizon. Stars are just too magical to be compared with something dun like my eyes.

ii. Do not tell me that my lips are like roses. Roses are truly delicate and romantic while my lips has nothing to do with being precious. My lips are even more pale than a dying patient’s lips. They are lifeless and lack vivid hues.  If my lips were to be painted,  not even a bystander would care enough to look at it and appreciate it. Simply because it is boring. So darling, please, just don’t.

iii. Do not tell me that my hair is like vines; flourishing in time. Darling, I do not even have time to comb my hair and most of the time, it has a drowsy look. It does not stay in place all the time. It does not sway together with the wind. I can see no beauty in it at all. 

iv. Do not tell me that I am as beautiful as spring time. Spring time is such a wonderful season. The trees, from being bare, to beauteous one. It’s like from being dead, to being alive. I have nothing to do with being alive. I’m physically alive, but my inside is dead, I tell you. Passive, as they all said. Silence engulfed me long time ago. I find peace in silence. 

v. Do not tell me that I am the sun of your life. You see, it is not that I do not love you. It’s just that, I cannot light up your life the way the sun does. I myself, loves darkness and I am afraid, that’s all I got. I am afraid that my presence will just bring darkness in your life. I do not want you to hide inside this pitch-dark abyss I’m into. I want you to live your life in the midst of a flower fields where all you can see are colors and beauty. 

vi. Just don’t compare me with all these heavenly objects. Your metaphors might hit my heart hard. And I may fall in love with you. I am nothing but mischief and trouble. I want you to find happiness and you might fail to do so upon choosing me. 

18 April 2014

Do not plant seeds of hatred in your heart. 

Soon, it will grow into small sprouts of envy. You will hate every single detail about that person even if there is nothing wrong about them. In your eyes, they are full of flaws. You will always say that there is something wrong about them but the truth is you are nothing but a fault-finder human being. And you hate them because you are jealous of them. You will never appreciate anyone. You will never see their worth because you are blinded by the hate you are feeling towards them.

These small sprouts will grow into a bigger plant of insensibility. Because of anger, you might by pass their feeling. You may never hurt them by means of physical actions, but you may use your words against them. Remember that words are like daggers. When you use them against people, they could be killed emotionally by those words. You could bring them extreme pain and they may bleed a lot inside. But the thing is, your insensibility towards their feeling might turn into apathy. And I believe not caring at all is even worse.  

Lastly, when you let it grow into a big tree of anger, you will found yourself underneath it and you will then be consumed by the darkness of its shade. So before it grows into an enormous tree, put a stop to it.

17 April 2014
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