There are times that when I look at you, everything seems to vanish from the scene. Just like how a photographic instrument would focus its subject and blurred all the unnecessary details giving me the chance to stare at you completely. When I look at you, I don’t just see a smiling human being. Instead, I see an individual screaming for help- wanting to be saved from his own tragedy. Those things that seems to be invisible to the eyes of most of the people you know, is clear to me. I can see all of those. And it pains me knowing that I cannot do anything to save you from your own melancholy. I know, your agony is slowly engulfing you.
Hidden in the depths of your heart, are scars that simultaneously pain you. Scars which remain hidden to people. Scars that seemed to be perpetual. Hidden behind your smile, is the frown you are trying to hide. You want people to regard you as a strong individual, but the truth is, you are vulnerable. You are easily damaged. Because you are fragile. You’ve been hurt more than people could ever imagine. Tears fall down your face as you, watch your own pieces shatter on the floor you once called as your own stage. You’ve tried to fix yourself, but there are still empty holes to fill- I know, those are located in your heart. The spaces to fill are in the depths of your heart but no one could see that because they believed in the smile on your face.
Things could always get better, or worse. In time, maybe you’ll find someone to fulfill the spaces in your heart that makes it hard for you to breathe. Or in the other hand, maybe you’ll find yourself torn into thousands of pieces again.
But if you are going to ask me, It would be my privilege to fulfill the spaces in your heart even if it means that I have to get some from mine just to fix the gaps in yours.
Once there was a king. He lives in a far away land where it doesn’t usually rain. Tulips and some rare plants grow there. It is a utopia as other people said. He has everything a lady would want in a partner. He is handsome, kind, lovable and understanding. But one thing is lacking from him- bravery. He is the most coward person you’ll ever meet in your entire life. He is afraid to go outside his kingdom because of his belief about the life of royalties- they will always end up being killed by a bunch of people who envy them and wants the throne for themselves. However, he managed to live his life normally. The realms of his palace provides him happiness and safety.
One day, he heard about the news about a princess who is locked inside an underground cave that is being guarded by a sphinx. He wants to save the princess so that he could have the love story he’d always wanted but of course, something holds him back- his cowardliness. Because of that, he called his three favorite knights and ordered them to search for the said princess and slay that sphinx. He assured that whoever save the princess first, will have a great gift from him.
The three knights started their quest. All of them eager to find the princess before the others does.
The first knight, named Arthuro, is really brave and wanted to have the prize. So without asking people for help, he immediately went into the woods not realizing that it’s not the right way. Arthuro got killed by a bear when he was sleeping because of tiredness.
The second knight, Victor searched for the princess night and day. But he is a glutton and on the third day, he found out that he already ate all his food. He died because of starvation. Just like Arthuro, he failed to do his quest.
The last knight, Thomas is truly wise. He asked others for help and managed to save his food so that he will not die of hunger. He found the place and since he’s clever, he killed the sphinx and was able to save the princess.
Princess Mariella was crying when he first saw it. The princess immediately hugged him. “Thank you.” She whispered. “You wouldn’t believe all the horrible things that monster did to me.” She added. Thomas asked him to tell him stories but then the princess refused. She said that she doesn’t want to remember anything. “Help me forget all of those. I’m just glad you saved me my knight and shining armor.” Thomas smiled and they went home together.
Upon their journey, the princess admitted that her feelings for him kindled and that she is already in love with him. He was about to admit his love for her too but then he remembered that he has a quest to fulfill and he doesn’t want to betray the kind king who helped him in almost every aspect of his life. So he just smiled and pet the hair of the princess.
He fell in love with someone whom he could never call as “his princess.” Sometimes, he just wants to hug her but he is trying his best not to show his love. When they are just a mile away from the kingdom of the king, he decided to tell her about the quest. That he went there because a king ordered him to. She begged him to just runaway with her and live in a place where no one knows them. He refused.
Later that day, they arrived in the kingdom and Thomas told the king about the good news. The king was delighted and gave him tons of treasures. He was about to leave the room but then the king said “I have one last favor.” “What is it, my king?” “I want you to be the best man in our wedding which will be held later.” “Sure.”
With tears in his eyes, he walked away. He walked pass a room where he saw the love of his life. Servants of the king is fixing her hair already and was already dressing her up. She is like the most beautiful star above. All he could do is to look at him because even if he reaches his hands too high, he could never touch it. Just like how close, yet so far the princess is to him.
The matrimony started. The priest started talking. After a while, the king said “I do.” Then the princess said those too. Then before the king and princess kissed, the princess said “I love you” while looking at Thomas. Tears roll down her face as the king unveil her. Then they kissed.
The king lived happily ever after but the princess and Thomas will live with the pain of not marrying the person they really love.
People could always fall in love deeply with someone but there is no assurance that they will end up together.
That feeling where you can gaze at your face the happiness that reflect in your smile. That feeling you often catch yourself staring at nowhere, and in any moment you will act like a weirdo, and smile like an idiot trying to control the butterflies that are in your stomach. That kind of feeling when you can’t stop thinking about him, when you can’t get him out of your mind. That feeling that brings a smile to your face when you catch him looking at you. That feeling when you can’t stop day dreaming about him, thinking all the possible things might happen when you’re together, while fighting the excitement you feel.
That feeling when you can’t stop writing down his name and your thoughts about him, as if you want to have a tattoo with his name in your skin. That feeling when you’re in your class and the last page of your notebook where your emotions for him spill on that page is the witness how much you often think of him.
That feeling when you’re addicted to his tender words, and you almost want to treasure all the words he has given to you. Where a simple hi, hello, how are you, I miss you, and I love you, will really make your day. That sweet conversation that you can almost memorize, because you used to read it all the time.
That feeling how you can ignore the world, when you’re communicating with him. That feeling when you love to stay in the quiet place and spend those cheesy moments talking with him, and when you’re all alone in your room, you love rolling on your bed while hugging your favorite pillow, and that moment, it feels as you’re the happiest person in the world.
When people around you can notice how happy you are, and when they’re starting to wonder, a glowing smile can answer. I miss that…I miss that wonderful feeling when I feel so happy; knowing that after all the hardships of the day, there’s someone who can lift you up, and all you wanted to feel is that special moment where all you can feel is happiness, and the reason of that good feeling.
I miss that feeling when I feel so special, when there’s no broken heart and damaged trust, but a heart that full of love. I miss that feeling, but I’m going to wait the right person who will not just temporarily give those wonderful feelings, but will forever make me fall in love with him.
You made a bitch out of this innocent young girl.
You planted a soft and gentle kiss on my forehead that bloomed into a garden of love and lulled me to sleep with your sweet, angelic voice the night we bumped into each other in front of the most unattractive old bookstore. // And a year later, we bumped into each other — same place, same time but different emotions in our hands.
The stars were dancing brightly on the sky and Luna was humming a sweet melody for us when you promised me forever. You counted each one of them — the bright stars — and at 483, you stopped counting and said that you can no longer add to it because in my eyes were the remaining stars. // Eight months later, I saw how the stars in my eyes disappeared and went back to their rightful places up on the sky.
You drew me (with your precious charcoal pencil that you never used before) on a plain white paper the day we had our first date in the coffee shop that sells wonderful black coffee — the coffee shop that we first had a taste of coffee from each other’s lips. Before we parted ways, you pulled me into your arms and gave me the drawing of me, smiling with a distant look on her face. At that very moment, you made me believe that I was beautiful. // Seven months later, I donated the painting to the coffee shop and never have I dared to go there again.
You quoted my favorite books on my shelves when I asked you to tell me how your day went. You used the words of Poe to tell me how devastated you are with everything that’s happening in our society. The words of Neruda became your refuge when your own words seem to fail in telling me how much I mean to you. You quoted Lysander’s line from A Midsummer Night’s Dream when you told me how you’re willing to go through obstacles just to be with me // Five months later, you made me hate all the people on my shelves for they remind me of how your voice reverberated throughout my being.
And this was supposed to be a list but I remembered how you continue to break my heart with the endless list of things that I love about you.
"You are my star."
"Every single one of us is a star."
"But you are the shiniest of them all. And I doubt if anyone could burn as bright as you do."
"There are a lot. You cannot see them because they may be faraway from you."
"Or maybe your gleams are all I could see."
Don’t tell me you love me unless you were able to handle me at my worst. I am a mess and I admit that. I bring nothing but trouble and oftentimes, I am wrong. I am aware of that. If you think you love me, well, think again. I do not want you to suffer because of me. I do not want to cause you any sadness for I would never want to see your smile fade away. My actions might harm you. My words may pain you and my idiocy may annoy you.
I do believe that you deserve someone better. Someone who could give you the love you truly deserve. Someone who could make you smile and make you feel loved. I know I was destined to be alone. Go on, find another person. Do not waste your time on me. I may be a shooting star just like what you have said, but remember, sooner or later, I will stop burning brightly and eventually, lose my splendor.
And it’s not that I do not like you. It’s just that I care about you so much that I wouldn’t mind if I got hurt upon your farewell because I will have to bear an even more painful scar in my heart if I see you sad because of me.
read a girl who dates books
… with the wrong people.
You fall in love with the boy whose eyes were sculpted with starlight, whose retinas were dipped in Indian dye, whose pupils, frankly, never once have turned to look at you.
You fall in love with the guy with the golden-solid laugh. The one whose words burst your cells, whose voice, coated in sticky paint, pours out of his mouth into a smooth puddle around your wrists. You fall in love with the boy who talks, but not to you.
You fall in love with the boy whose flesh is charged to a dangerous voltage. A boy who has a magnetic force on you, whose body language you are completely aware of. It is the boy your fingertips ache to touch, your lips ache to meet, your heart aches to have. He is the boy who offers you a pencil (but never quite his hand).
You fall in love with the guy whose mind, you swear, is an architectural blueprint that keeps rewriting itself. You can see the pencil scratches, the eraser smudges, the ink droppings. You watch as his mind calculates every detail of everything you could have never, would have never, thought of. He is the boy that could solve any riddle, who could make you cry with a scientific formula. His mind is a tracer and you wonder why he hasn’t taken an interest in paying attention to you.
See, you fall in love with the wrong people. And I wish you could say you had any sort of a choice.