It’s so hard to accept that months from now, I will become an official alumna of my alma mater. All these pile of works will be finished. Truly, time flies so fast. It was as if, it was only yesterday when we walk inside a room full of unfamiliar faces and now, in a few months’ time, we have to say good bye to the people we have been seeing for almost everyday in four short years. We can still see them, yes, in their profiles in some social networking sites. But you know, we will always long for that feeling of talking to them personally, laughing because of a hilarious joke. In other words, their presence will truly be missed.
Another painful thing, is when memories flash before your eyes. When you look at your pictures and remember how happy that moment was, when you re-read your conversations with your friends about that girl you both hate so much, when you see the visual aids you created with your group mates, when you look at your notebooks, your work texs- almost everything. It is truly painful. Then you’ll blame yourself for not enjoying every second while they are still there. When you realize that everything you’re doing with them right now will soon be memories is truly heart breaking.
I can imagine myself crying as I look at them during our graduation day- wearing our over-sized togas and graduation hats. That would be a very painful yet satisfying moment.
I know, imagining stuff like this could hurt me but I am just preparing myself from the bittersweet reality that I will soon face.
"You are my star."
"Every single one of us is a star."
"But you are the shiniest of them all. And I doubt if anyone could burn as bright as you do."
"There are a lot. You cannot see them because they may be faraway from you."
"Or maybe your gleams are all I could see."
Don’t tell me you love me unless you were able to handle me at my worst. I am a mess and I admit that. I bring nothing but trouble and oftentimes, I am wrong. I am aware of that. If you think you love me, well, think again. I do not want you to suffer because of me. I do not want to cause you any sadness for I would never want to see your smile fade away. My actions might harm you. My words may pain you and my idiocy may annoy you.
I do believe that you deserve someone better. Someone who could give you the love you truly deserve. Someone who could make you smile and make you feel loved. I know I was destined to be alone. Go on, find another person. Do not waste your time on me. I may be a shooting star just like what you have said, but remember, sooner or later, I will stop burning brightly and eventually, lose my splendor.
And it’s not that I do not like you. It’s just that I care about you so much that I wouldn’t mind if I got hurt upon your farewell because I will have to bear an even more painful scar in my heart if I see you sad because of me.
I do not have any idea on how could I bid this two-syllable word without my tears falling from my eyes. Every second that passes by, it gets closer- the moment when you actually have to leave. It’s hard to accept the fact that sooner or later, my eyes won’t be able to see you in person. It’s hard to accept the fact that I have to constantly remind myself that you are not here anymore. That no matter how hard I reach for you, I won’t be able to touch you. Just like how I long for the horizon only my eyesight could reach.
Even if I can still see you, I now long for you. I just hate this feeling wherein I feel like even if you’re still close to me, there’s this barrier that hinders me from doing things with you or saying those things that I need to say. Maybe it’s because of the known fact that sooner or later, you’ll say farewell, and I, too.
Your morning will soon be my evening. When I wake up, you’ll have to hit the hay already. The same environment we’re living in right now, will soon be different. The season will change in your place, but mine will remain the same. You’ll see different faces while I’ll remain surrounded by familiar faces.
I can’t do anything to stop you. As much as I want to be with you for a longer period of time, I can’t. Because this is what’s good for you. There is nothing special about me that will surely make a mark in your heart, but I assure you that all of the memories and stories we’ve shared together will be kept inside my heart. These memories will be treasured just like how letters are kept inside a well maintained box.
It’s hard to accept the fact that no one could see the pain I am hiding behind my smile. The people around me don’t even realize that I am drowning in this infinite pool of melancholy and to be honest, I’m getting pretty much tired of trying to gasp some happiness from the surface above because I can barely encounter some. Every single one of them are filled with ecstasy that they do not care if others lack.
The world is full of sadness and darkness and I am quite sure of that.
It’s because you don’t even have time to look at the bigger picture. You just focus on what your eyes want to see. Not on what it should see. You are being blinded by the emotions you are feeling. You are blinded by the pain you are feeling. You don’t realize that a lot of people around you are being affected by the way you treat them, by the way you act.
One day, all your prejudices will be proven wrong and you are going to eat every single word that you say.
Love is not about picking a flower for the girl you are courting.
Love is showing the beautiful flower to the girl you are courting for you cannot bear to give her something that will whither and die soon.
Same as your love, you gave it to her because you are aware that in any case, you know, it will not whither but rather grow into something more beautiful than a rose.
You know what is painful?
It’s when you can see with your own very eyes that your country is falling apart. I am aware that the Filipino spirit is truly strong and that no problem could hinder it from standing up and facing tomorrow but you see, it’s like we’re being put into a lot of tests. Just recently, Bohol and other parts of Visayas were shocked by a magnitude seven earthquake which caused a lot of damages. A historic church was even destroyed because of that incident. A lot of houses as well as buildings fell down. Imagining people crying for help makes me weak. I do not sympathize with them. I empathize with them. I put myself in their shoes and I tell you, it’s horrible. To stand in front of your destroyed house and imagine where to start. It’s really heart breaking.
And now, here comes this terribly big storm. And the thing is, it will pass mostly in the Visayas region where the earthquake brought damages just weeks ago. It’s really painful to see your fellow countrymen experiencing such chaos specially when all you can do is to watch the news and stay updated to what is happening there. It’s hard to just sit down on your couch knowing that a lot of people are in the evacuation centers right now where it is crowded. If I could just do something that will help them ease the pain they are feeling right now, I’d readily and gladly do it. If I could just rescue people. If I just have a lot of money to give them foods.
But in any case and anyway, my prayers are for them- for all of us.
i. Do not tell me that my eyes are like the stars. Do not tell me that it brightens up your evening sky. There is one thing I am sure of- my eyes don’t have gleams. They are dull and not that expressive. There is nothing special about it in fact, when I look at them in the mirror, they do not reflect the stupendous galaxies above rather, an image of an unattractive woman. Stars are truly elfin. Stars, they shine even they are beyond my horizon. Stars are just too magical to be compared with something dun like my eyes.
ii. Do not tell me that my lips are like roses. Roses are truly delicate and romantic while my lips has nothing to do with being precious. My lips are even more pale than a dying patient’s lips. They are lifeless and lack vivid hues. If my lips were to be painted, not even a bystander would care enough to look at it and appreciate it. Simply because it is boring. So darling, please, just don’t.
iii. Do not tell me that my hair is like vines; flourishing in time. Darling, I do not even have time to comb my hair and most of the time, it has a drowsy look. It does not stay in place all the time. It does not sway together with the wind. I can see no beauty in it at all.
iv. Do not tell me that I am as beautiful as spring time. Spring time is such a wonderful season. The trees, from being bare, to beauteous one. It’s like from being dead, to being alive. I have nothing to do with being alive. I’m physically alive, but my inside is dead, I tell you. Passive, as they all said. Silence engulfed me long time ago. I find peace in silence.
v. Do not tell me that I am the sun of your life. You see, it is not that I do not love you. It’s just that, I cannot light up your life the way the sun does. I myself, loves darkness and I am afraid, that’s all I got. I am afraid that my presence will just bring darkness in your life. I do not want you to hide inside this pitch-dark abyss I’m into. I want you to live your life in the midst of a flower fields where all you can see are colors and beauty.
vi. Just don’t compare me with all these heavenly objects. Your metaphors might hit my heart hard. And I may fall in love with you. I am nothing but mischief and trouble. I want you to find happiness and you might fail to do so upon choosing me.
Once there was a king. He lives in a far away land where it doesn’t usually rain. Tulips and some rare plants grow there. It is a utopia as other people said. He has everything a lady would want in a partner. He is handsome, kind, lovable and understanding. But one thing is lacking from him- bravery. He is the most coward person you’ll ever meet in your entire life. He is afraid to go outside his kingdom because of his belief about the life of royalties- they will always end up being killed by a bunch of people who envy them and wants the throne for themselves. However, he managed to live his life normally. The realms of his palace provides him happiness and safety.
One day, he heard about the news about a princess who is locked inside an underground cave that is being guarded by a sphinx. He wants to save the princess so that he could have the love story he’d always wanted but of course, something holds him back- his cowardliness. Because of that, he called his three favorite knights and ordered them to search for the said princess and slay that sphinx. He assured that whoever save the princess first, will have a great gift from him.
The three knights started their quest. All of them eager to find the princess before the others does.
The first knight, named Arthuro, is really brave and wanted to have the prize. So without asking people for help, he immediately went into the woods not realizing that it’s not the right way. Arthuro got killed by a bear when he was sleeping because of tiredness.
The second knight, Victor searched for the princess night and day. But he is a glutton and on the third day, he found out that he already ate all his food. He died because of starvation. Just like Arthuro, he failed to do his quest.
The last knight, Thomas is truly wise. He asked others for help and managed to save his food so that he will not die of hunger. He found the place and since he’s clever, he killed the sphinx and was able to save the princess.
Princess Mariella was crying when he first saw it. The princess immediately hugged him. “Thank you.” She whispered. “You wouldn’t believe all the horrible things that monster did to me.” She added. Thomas asked him to tell him stories but then the princess refused. She said that she doesn’t want to remember anything. “Help me forget all of those. I’m just glad you saved me my knight and shining armor.” Thomas smiled and they went home together.
Upon their journey, the princess admitted that her feelings for him kindled and that she is already in love with him. He was about to admit his love for her too but then he remembered that he has a quest to fulfill and he doesn’t want to betray the kind king who helped him in almost every aspect of his life. So he just smiled and pet the hair of the princess.
He fell in love with someone whom he could never call as “his princess.” Sometimes, he just wants to hug her but he is trying his best not to show his love. When they are just a mile away from the kingdom of the king, he decided to tell her about the quest. That he went there because a king ordered him to. She begged him to just runaway with her and live in a place where no one knows them. He refused.
Later that day, they arrived in the kingdom and Thomas told the king about the good news. The king was delighted and gave him tons of treasures. He was about to leave the room but then the king said “I have one last favor.” “What is it, my king?” “I want you to be the best man in our wedding which will be held later.” “Sure.”
With tears in his eyes, he walked away. He walked pass a room where he saw the love of his life. Servants of the king is fixing her hair already and was already dressing her up. She is like the most beautiful star above. All he could do is to look at him because even if he reaches his hands too high, he could never touch it. Just like how close, yet so far the princess is to him.
The matrimony started. The priest started talking. After a while, the king said “I do.” Then the princess said those too. Then before the king and princess kissed, the princess said “I love you” while looking at Thomas. Tears roll down her face as the king unveil her. Then they kissed.
The king lived happily ever after but the princess and Thomas will live with the pain of not marrying the person they really love.
People could always fall in love deeply with someone but there is no assurance that they will end up together.