This is for the people who works for their loved ones. This is for those who sacrifice their valuable time just for them to earn money so they can provide all the needs of their family. This is for those who endure the pain of not being with their own family. This is for those who uses skype or any form of applications just to be update with their family. This is for those who helped building our nation. This is for those who stays up late just to finish their paper works. Those who are being scold by their boss and feeling so debased. To all laborers out there, you deserve all the love you could have. You are appreciated, you are loved. Remember that. 

I could have wore thick make-ups so that I will catch people’s attention. I could have use a very red lipstick to emphasize my desire for boys. I could have starve myself to death so that I could have the body everyone dreamed of having. I could have wore very short shorts and wear awfully high heels. Yes, I could have done any of those.

I could have gone to parties and got myself drunk. I could have stayed up late in someone else’s house. I could have flirt with every boy I see. I could have been the bitch that everyone hates. I could have taken illegal drugs and drink liquors. I could have made my mother cry because of my terrible actions. Yes, I could have done any of those.

I could have been just another stereo type of the society. I could have followed their path towards the wrong destination. But I am me. And I am different. And I have sworn to myself that I will never be someone whom I know I’m not. No one could ever change me. I had my mindset that I will be more than that. More than what our generation can. I am different and I am planning to make a difference. A significant difference.The change should start in me. 

I could have been any of those, but I choose not to be one of them.

You know me. You are aware of my existence. We see each other almost everyday. But what remains hidden is my feelings for you. 

You smiled at me, I smiled back at you. You continued what you’re doing and I continued mine too. But what you don’t know is that my heart is still beating very fast. Your smile gives me premature ventricular contractions. It’s like, your smile gave me aftershocks. Oh, if I could just tell you how your smile brightens up my day. How your smile, your sweet, sweet smile completes my day. 

You looked at me and I looked at you too. For you, to look at someone like me is nothing but a normal thing to do. But believe me when I say, it melts my heart- really. Your eyes are like stars- those stars that I can only gaze upon; No matter what I do, it’ll always be so close yet so far. 

I cracked a joke and you laughed at it. When people actually laughs at my joke, it means nothing. But when you do, it means absolutely everything. I can’t help but to feel so special because I made you laugh- that I made you smile even just for a while. 

Even the littlest things, when it comes to you, means awfully a lot to me. But I must accept the fact that you will always be my inspiration. Nothing more, nothing less. You’re close to me, literary close. But you’ll always be far, metaphorically far. Even farther than the farthest stars.  

Vowels.

People really need to know that not because someone is educated, doesn’t mean he’s well-mannered too. So stop saying you’re educated when in fact your attitude is worse than a stray kid. 

E meets Z.

What happens next?

If you want a happy ending, read A. If not, proceed to B.

A.

E and Z fell in love with each other- secretly. Z admitted his love for E. Likewise, E told him that she loves her too. They created a lot of good memories together. They enjoyed the company of each other. E serves as Z’s inspiration. Same as well, Z is E’s inspiration aside from God and her family. They graduated from college- with flying colors. Both found jobs in lined for their courses. They saved money for their future. Years passed and they decided to get married. In front of the altar, they swore that they would love each other no matter what happen. They have two children to whom they are devoted. E and Z was perfectly contented with  their life. Time comes, that they have to retire. They did. E, despite of her old age, continues to beautify her garden though her back is already aching. Z is very supportive as well. He carries some stuff that E needs. Most of the time, you’ll see them watching movies together in the sala while E’s reading her favorite book and Z’s puffing his tobacco. Eventually, they die. End of the story.

B.

E falls in love with Z but Z does not fall in love with E (Though they are together). Z uses E for his pleasure. Z texts E if he wants someone to accompany him when he’s alone but when his friends are with him, E becomes a non-existent person. But E was so blinded and numb because she’s so in love with Z. She cooks him sumptuous food. Z never said a word about her dishes though he finds them really delicious. E’s friends were so worried about E that they told her that she should just leave Z for she deserves someone better. But E, does not care. She keeps on loving him because she believes that one day, Z will love her the way she loves him. One night, Z did not go home. E was so worried. She texted him, called him but she received no answer. She waited anyway. She was sitting somewhere near their wooden door. Around 3o’clock AM, someone knocked at the door. With a smile on her face, she greeted him- “Hello, why are you late? What did you do? Are you okay? You look so tired. What do you want me to do?”. He did not answered her. She repeated her question and with a very loud voice he answered, “Stay away from me. That’s the best thing you can do.”. Tears fell down her face but she wiped before he could see those. She smiled and said “I’ll be in our room. If you need something, just call me.”. She woke up just to see that she was alone in their room. She wrote a note and kept it under his pillow. Time passed by, it was around 2o’clock. Just like yesterday, she waited near the door. She then heard a knock. She opened it. To her surprise, a gun held by a man was pointing at her. “Give me all your money and gadgets.” She can’t move. The man robbed their house and before he left, he shoot E. Z, came home just to found out about the hideous thing that happened to E. He felt week and realized that all these times, he had been so cruel to her. … At her funeral, Z was seating beside E’s coffin. After an hour, he decided to fix their room and look for things that will be buried together with E’s body. He first sat down on the bed. Reminiscing those times when E used to hug her so tight but instead of hugging her back, he’ll just wrap himself with his blanket. He fixed the pillows and put them on their proper place. He saw a note under his. Tears fell down as he reads it. “You are my favorite person in this whole wide world, Z. Remember that. I love you very much.”

I want to know how it feels like-

To feel so happy and contented. To be so optimistic about the things happening. To see rays of hope passing through my window, lighting my pitch dark room. I want to know how it feels like to look at the mirror and see myself smiling. Not just the fake smile. But the smile that only shows when you’re truly happy. I want to know how it feels like to wake up every morning feeling so alive and fulfilled. I want to know how it feels like to sleep every night without worrying about such things. I want to know how it feels like. 

I want to know how it feels like-

To write because of happiness and not because of the loneliness I am feeling. I want to know how it feels like to have an inspiration that will give me happy thoughts. Honestly, I am so tired of writing about the pain that I am feeling. But what can I do? I can’t write a happy entry when all I have are these scars of pain. I want to know how it feels like to be able to say your feelings personally. As much as I want to write, I also want to deliver my feelings personally to the person involved. Just like what they said, words without actions are nothing. 

I want to know how it feels like-

To be loved in return. To be appreciated because of the efforts I gave to a certain someone. I want to know how it feels like to be the first person you think of. To be the person you’re missing right now. To be the person you’d live for. To be one of your priorities. I’m so tired of being an option and second best. 

I want to know how it feels like-

To live outside the box. To live beyond my comfort zone. To be a free bird flying in the vast sky. To take all the risks that life may bring. To walk pass through a damaged bridge and see a paradise at the end. I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to live like a caged bird.

Cliches. A woman has a fragile heart so you should take good care of her feelings. A woman expects you to love her as if she’s your last one. A woman wants a man who will take care of her. How about, men have feelings, too. 

They have feelings too. They also tend to get hurt, they also cry just like girls. It’s just that they’re more comfortable if they do hide their emotions. They may seem to be so strong, but I do believe that inside a very masculine physical body of a lad, hides a very soft heart that can be bruised too. Boys get hurt when you don’t appreciate the little things they do for you. You know how hard it is to build up courage to do something. Boys get hurt when they see you with someone else. So you just can say “He’s only my friend.” Because when it comes to you, he distanced himself so that you won’t get jealous. Boys love surprises, too. Either it’s something big or just a simple one. They’ll appreciate it anyway. Take care of them. Not because they seem so strong, doesn’t mean they don’t need any companion when they’re having hard times. Tell them that you love them. Remind your boy that you constantly think about him and that you love him so much. Nothing beats the feeling of knowing that your significant other is thinking about you. Be proud of him. Tell your friends about him. As much as you want him to introduce you to his friend, he also like those things as well. Cheer him up when he’s having a bad day. Remember those times that you have your mood swings and he lets you slap his face so that your pain will somehow ease. He loves you so much. There’s no doubt about that. All he want is that you should also love him in return. He doesn’t ask you to return all of his efforts, gifts and stuff but at least, you let him know that you could also do those things for him. 

Money-free world.

The quote “Money is the root of all evil” just popped into my mind and made me think..”What if money is non-existent?” I guess, this world will be a better world. Imagine, there will be no levels in the society. There will be no upper class nor a lower class. There will be no corruption since there will be no taxes to steal. There will be no greedy people. There will be no thief since everything is for free. People will work for fun and will enjoy whatever job they have. Schools will be for free. Ceremonies held by the church will also be for free. I can’t help but to wish that our world should be a “money-free world”. 

Dearest-

Days spent without you are days filled with agony. I hate distance as much as I hate not being with you. I hate how days seem to be so long. How time runs so slow when I am waiting for you. I hate the fact that I can’t comfort you during times that you need me the most. Distance sucks, terribly. If I could find a way to be with you everyday, then I won’t hesitate to do that. If I could just travel everyday just to stare at your dazzling eyes, I will. But I can’t. 

It’s not easy. It never was and never will. But I am trying my hardest. To hold on into something. You know how much I love but there are sometimes that I have these doubts if I should still pursue this. The thought that maybe one day, I’ll hold onto nothing then I will be hurt more than I should. But you said that I should give my trust. Can you swear one thing to me? That you’ll never break my trust just like what those other douchebags did? Can you? 

Another thing is that, you may find someone better who’s closer to you. Who could always go with you whenever and wherever you want. My mind is like a chasm of rambled thoughts. There are so many what ifs and maybes. I’m confused. But all I know, is that I am in love with you and I will fight for you as long as I can.

Ever have those “friends” that secretly talks about you behind your back? Like they’re all so nice and sweet when talking to you, then you’ll just realize that they’re different when you’re not there? It sucks, right? It sucks to know that those you consider as true friends aren’t so true to you. It’s like, why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong rather than talking shits about me. If you were really my friend, you would tell me what’s wrong and help me to correct it. I hate this. I hate this feeling; like you’re surrounded by myriad of frauds. Fake, unreal people. But if you think that I will change myself just to please you, then I am telling you. No. I won’t change just because I want you to like me. If you don’t like me, fine. It’s your choice. But here’s a thing you should remember: I can hold grudges for a very long time.

Fuck you. Fuck you all. Fuck fake friends. Fuck fake people.